Adult Reviews of Children’s Books

We read a lot of stories to our kids. Here’s my (farcical) take on a few of the classics: 

Green Eggs and Ham
Supposedly, Dr. Seuss wrote this on a bet. And it reads like it. Actually it reads like the lingual equivalent of running through tires on an obstacle course. I think ‘What Was I Scared Of’ is my favorite Dr. Seuss book. 


The Giving Tree
A codependent pussy-willow of a protagonist has her psyche worn down to a nub by an itinerant sociopath. What exactly is the lesson that our kids are supposed to glean from this? The only way this book could have been worse is if, at the end, the old man had hollowed out the tree’s stump and dropped a deuce down its throat. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars. 

Goodnight Moon
This is a sleeper hit. The first few times I read it, I was like, “The fuh?” But it quickly grew on me. Now I think it has a dreamy haiku quality to it. Plus you have to give credit to any book that pulls a Rauschenberg with a blank page that says, “Goodnight nobody.” Does that mean in the end that all the good night wishes have been negated? Nobody gets a good night? Hmm… 

Frog and Toad
These guys were friends way back when I was wearing Pampers. They are STILL the best.

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